Thursday, May 25, 2006

McGarrett, Not Long to Live

I never liked those poems by Wo Fat:
the ones where he complains of his life
only to passively boast of his accomplishments.

“I wasn’t the most popular student at Harvard.”
“It took me awhile to stop being angry at how
Chairman Mao suggested my tennis needed work.”

“I was most unhappy with the picture they took
of me for the hardcover edition of Wo Fat:
Sing to Raise High the Banzai Pipeline.”

Not long after Wo Fat’s early release,
not long after his subsequent fame
as a loveable nothing pinched by cops,

the author of melancholic poetry
which allegedly made prison guards cry
and made my name known only on his terms,

I agreed to meet him at the Waldenbooks
in the Royal Hawaiian Shopping Center--
where island birds dart about the indoors.

I agreed to have coffee with Wo Fat,
to put away the Navy-manners
which saw me through my youth and my job,

and I would, sans-booze, toast my old enemy
and we would drive out to the North Shore,
past the G.I. barracks and pineapple fields,

where we would hang out in hippie surf shops
and buy seashell leis and stand around outside--
the sticky sidewalks of Matsumoto’s.

I watched the mall birds dart about and waited;
no matter what Wo Fat took from me,
I knew God was soon to take a little more.

Wo Fat could still drive and I could not;
Wo Fat could still read regular type and I could not;
Wo Fat did not wait for phonecalls but I did;

We were the same age, I took care of myself,
eschewing cigars and willing tourists,
but Wo Fat was still younger than me.

After the drinks we drove to Hale’iwa.
He played CDs his daughter had burned
and I didn’t recognize a single song.

I may have fallen asleep in the car,
but think he talked about his new book tour,
the hardship of stating his case repeatedly.

We ended up at an impromptu luau,
hot dogs and saimin and girls in grass skirts.
They had put leis together to welcome us.

For Wo Fat, it was a yellow 'Ilima lei,
bright and waxy as a supermarket lemon,
while I was draped in green Limu kala.

Whatever it was I was meant to say,
whatever assassination was meant
to be carried through, ended in decaf.

An old lieutenant who shook Wo Fat’s hand,
agreed to take me back to Honolulu.
I stared out the window to the volcanic cliffs,

the jungled plummeria, the deep greens
of succulents and tropical produce.
I would give you all paniolo flowers,

for how the evening came onto me;
the hydrangea and forget-me-not collars
which will see me to make a good end.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

The Two-Faced Corpse

The Two-Faced Corpse, Episode # 152, Season 7.
Originally aired: October 29 1974.

Huge star power: Jessica Walter as the cheating wife of a rcent mob hit, Abe Vigoda as an out-to-pasture mobster, and Sam Elliott as the protypical “tennis pro” type swinger that was a signature of 70s TV. The plot is incredibly convoluted, including a needless jurisdiction Hassle between Five-O and the Feds and a plastic surgery conspiracy which doesn’t quite explain the orginal hit. McGarrett boasts that he never “uses” alcohol, giving him the kind of wounded air of the recovered alcoholic in his set with the woman who seems a perfect McGarret “love.” Though McGarrett is shot in the arm, a strange ploy of using two fake hit men, eventually capture the Elliott character who seems a perfect prototype for TV’s Matt Houston (character’s name is Jack Houston!).

Highlight: McGarrett is called away from making a putt on a green with unknown friends. McGarrett at rest? He is wearing an outlandish all white golf suit with a rather thick jacket. Awesome!

A Bullet for El Diablo

A Bullet for El Diablo. Episode # 130, Season Six. Originaly aired November 13 1973.

Another classic hippie-era archetype--the Banana Republic dictator--makes a visit to the island where his daughter is kidnapped from the campus of the University of Hawaii at Monoa (which I visited in 1988). Turns out the kidnappers, who want money as well as to agitate for “their country” have a secret weapon: a love-child from the dictator who looks just like the kidnapped daughter. Thus El Presidente is assassinated. The episode ends, yet gain, with helicopters and seaside cliffs.

Highlight: watching Che Fong make his tape analysis.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Flash of Color, Flash of Death

Flash of Color, Flash of Death. Episode # 129, Season Six. Originally aired November 6, 1973.

Action-packed episode featuring the scene-chewing performance of Don Knight as an Aussie opal-hunter with the eyebrows of a cross-dresser who is double-crossed in a huge jewel scam. The scammers, including a most beautiful Hawaiian moll, did not factor on the Aussie surviving the scam or his primal attachment to his opals. McGarrett figures out the two scams and has a great psychological confrontation with the opal hunter.

Favorite moment: Opals might not be as valuable as diamonds but the Aussie says they can still buy him a lot of “kip & tucker.”

Why Wait Until Uncle Kevin Dies?

Why Wait Until Uncle Kevin Dies? Episode 128, Season Six. Originally aired Oct. 30, 1973.

A fairly unconvincing boat explosion (looks like flames were painted on the film) which kills the heir to an island fortune leads Five-O to “Reversions Inc.”--a scam / company run by a clearly devious oldtimer--I mean, he has a British accent! The company pays the heirs their fortunes prematurely and then kills them to collect their insurance investment. Five-O set up an elaborate sting with a guy posing as the nephew of a local millionaire, drawing out all the scum of the company before their planned sweet escape to Switzerland.
Naturally, when the English crook is snared he goes directly into quoting, by memory, Alexander Pope’s “Essay on Man,”:

Who sees with equal eye, as God of all,
A hero perish, or a sparrow fall,
Atoms or systems into ruin hurled,

And, yet, of course, McGarrett jumps in and finishes the line:

And now a bubble burst, and now a world

Like in the episode centered around Byron’s The Giaour, McGarrett is a closet man of refined taste in poetry.

Favorite Moment: McGarrett’s Don Corleone-like fake voice in the scam phonecall. Or, Dano’s questioning of busty drunk inheritee on a boat.

Murder is a Taxing Affair

Murder is a Taxing Affair. Episode 126, Season Six. Originally aired Oct. 16 1973.

Starts with a familiar Five-O trope: a plane lands with a troublesome dead body. A sneaky IRS agent in a clearly evil-person disguise (goatee and sunglasses) kills a tax-evader for $200, 000. Trouble is, he takes the wrong bag while some unsuspecting tourists (Mayberry’s Howard and a young Sally Kirkland) take the one with the loot. Then the stewardess cheats those tourists out of the bag making her a mark for the evil IRS man. In his office with the naval memorabilia, McGarrett admits he’s been in Hawaii for 12 years (since 1961?). A cliffside helicopter intervention saves the doddering tourists and the episode ends with another classic Five-O trope: the falling off an Oahu cliff.

Favorite moment: McGarrett’s absolutely crazy hat (almost pimp like) during the final bust.